Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a Mom. This means you have someone to make you sandwiches, someone to drive you to soccer practice, and someone—for reasons unknown to man—who is able to hold your snotty, used tissues in her own pocket without gagging. A well-functioning mom is essential to domestic harmony and general wellbeing. Yet despite their status as the most advanced humans on the planet, moms do need some daily care and maintenance to keep them running smoothly. This book explains everything. Mom requirements include, but are not limited to: light watering, the crust of peanut butter sandwiches, and some peace and quiet every now and then for crying out loud. And there's added bonus information! Learn to spot early warning signs of mom-pattern-crankiness and to recognize when mom might need another cup of coffee. A mom's make and model will vary by family, but the simple fact remains: Take care of Mom…and she'll take care of you.