<b>An illustrated gift book that brings to life the universal parenting experience of saying strange and hilarious things to one's kids.</b><br>As the father of five boys (all under age 10), graphic designer Nathan Ripperger has found himself saying some rather funny, absurd, and downright bizarre things to his children, from &quot;Stop riding that penguin, we're leaving&quot; to &quot;I am NOT talking to you until you are wearing underwear.&quot; He created poster-like images for each and posted them online. The response from other parents was overwhelming. With<i>Things I've Said to My Children</i>, Ripperger has assembled around 80 of the funniest, weirdest, and most amusing sayings and paired them with full-color, designed images that bring these outrageously hysterical quotes to life. Covering the essential parenting topics like food, animals, don'ts, and of course, bodily functions, <i>Things I've Said to My Children</i> is a light-hearted illustrated reminder of the shared absurdity of parenthood. Especially for those parents who've ever found themselves uttering some variation of the line, &quot;Please don't eat the goldfish crackers you've put in your butt.&quot;