<blockquote> <p> Warning from publisher to reader: </p> </blockquote> <p> At HarperCollins, we are committed to customer satisfaction. Before proceeding with your purchase, please take the following questionnaire: </p> <p> 1. Which of the following do you appreciate? </p> <blockquote> <b>A</b> Women with somewhat horse-ish facial features.<br> <b>B</b> Women who, while not super Jew-y, are more identifiably Jewish than, say, Natalie Portman.<br> <b>C</b> Frequent discussion of unwanted body hair. </blockquote> <p> 2. Are you offended by the following behavior? </p> <blockquote> <b>A</b> Instructing one's grandmother to place baked goods in her rectal cavity.<br> <b>B</b> Stripping naked in public?eleven times in a row.<br> <b>C</b> Stabbing one's boss in the head with a writing implement. </blockquote> <p> 3. The best way to treat an emotionally fragile young girl is: </p> <blockquote> <b>A</b> Murder the main course of her Thanksgiving dinner before her very eyes.<br> <b>B</b> Tell her that her older sister is prettier than she, and then immediately die.<br> <b>C</b> Prevent her suicide by recommending she stay away from open windows. </blockquote> <p> If you read the above questions without getting nauseous or forming a hate Web site, you are ready to buy this audiobook! Please proceed to the cashier. </p>